


4 Steps

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, I Don't Even Know, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Past Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager, This Is STUPID, Weird Use of Tenses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:19:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9091207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: 4 Steps to get revenge on his annoying-as-fuck ex.And a surprise, not unwelcome, Step 5.





	

**Author's Note:**

> AKA I haven't written anything for this fandom/pairing/at all in over two years, but here I am.
> 
> It's past 3AM, and I write best just slamming stuff out, so I know tenses switch around but I don't think it's without rhyme or reason- I just wrote it how I imagine Eren might tell the story after the fact.
> 
> Also, I normally dgaf about Eren/Jean but I reeeaaallly wanted to make horse jokes.

I’m Eren Jaeger, and let me tell you- I am the pettiest person you’ll ever meet. Save, perhaps, for my dimwitted, horseface, annoying, pretentious, idealist, selfish- Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself. Save for my ex, is what I meant to say, but they’re really one in the same. Getting back to the story- it all started out pretty run of the mill, as far as awkwardness after a nasty breakup goes. I avoid him, he avoids me, I block his number, he deletes my contact, I pretend that I _didn’t_ just bolt it out of my favorite coffee shop because I saw dumb face, and he does not pretend that he didn’t just see that and proceeds to laugh at me loudly in front of that cute barista who he _knows_ I used to have a thing for-

Anyways. It started out like that. Awkward avoidance, but nothing terrible. The usual. When Armin let me know that Jean would be at the party, and that’s I’d have to see him, I groaned and played up the drama and angst at having to see him again, but secretely... secretly I’d already started hatching my plan of revenge for the coffee shop incident. I really wanted that barista’s number.

The plan was pretty simple- Step 1) Find Jean. Place self far enough from Jean so you won’t be able to hear his stupid voice, but make sure he can see you. Step 2) Find someone at the party who looks horny or desperate enough to make out with a complete stranger in the middle of a crowd of loud college students. Step 3) Make out with them, making sure that Jean sees this happen. Step 4) Win.

Simple, yeah? I thought so too. Flash forward- I’m at the party. I’m walking through the living room, politely denying any offers for drinks, and it happens- I see the horse. I mean, my ex. I take a deep breath, silently congratulating myself. Step 1 is complete. Time for step two. I’m looking around the party, gauging who may or may not be interested. I start to realize, around this time, that there is a flaw in my plan- not many people are horny or desperate enough to make out in the middle of a college party, except apparently for my petty ass. So, I change tactics- though the end goal remains the same. I take a glance around, looking for a familiar face in the crowd.

After a minute or two of sitting there gaping around the room, I catch a break- leaning on a wall off to the side of the room is my lab partner from biology. Without a second thought, I barrel my way over and stop unceremoniously a couple steps in front of him. He looks up from his drink and meets my eyes, raising an eyebrow in place of actually asking a question. I forgot how little this dude talks. Doesn’t matter though- I’m not looking for conversation skills here, and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t had a minor crush on the dude the entire semester. What can I say? He’s hot.

“So, I know this may sound a little weird,” I blurt out, “and we’ve only talked about weird biology things for the past... entire time I’ve known you-”I clasp my fingers in front of my face and bow my head in prayer ”-but would you please, maybe, consider kissing me so I can get back at my ex across the room?”

His expression doesn’t change- he just tilts his head to the side and says, “You’re right. That’s pretty fucking weird.”

“Sooooo…” I say, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

A moment of silence.

A swift realization that I’m going to be staring down a microscope next to this guy I have a little crush on for another month and a half.

Maybe I hadn’t thought this new tactic all the way through.

I’m about ready to run, drop out of school, and assume a new identity when he finally says something.

“I’m bored. Why not?”

I don’t waste much time staring at him with wide eyes before I’m thanking him profusely and dragging to the middle of the room. In perfect viewing distance from The Ex.

Step 2? Complete.

And then there’s Step 3. I don’t know about you, but this happened to be an odd situation for me. I don’t normally go around staging passionate public make-out sessions to get back at an ex, but there I was! Staring in the face of a staged passionate public make-out session with no idea how to start it.

Luckily, I didn’t have to- quiet, unsuspecting biology dude puts an arm around my waist and pulls me closer. He threads his finger through my hair (when did his hand get there?) and I lean in and then- Okay, okay, I’ll spare you the details. I’ll leave it at this- unsuspecting biology dude was good. So, there I am, making out with a super hot dude and I start hearing wolf whistles and the like, and I think to myself _Yes… all according to plan. With all this attention, there’s no doubt the horse will miss this- and revenge will be MINE!_

I break from the kiss for a moment, pause because _wow_ , and then take a look towards where I’d last seen Jean just in time to watch him storm out of the room, slamming the door as he goes.

Satisfaction. Steps 3 and 4 complete, in one fell swoop.

I look back at my lab partner- I should really learn his name- with a grin on my face. In response, he rolls his eyes, then asks in a quiet voice, “So what’d the man do to deserve this revenge?”

I chuckle and tell him, “It’s a long story.”

“Hm. How about I take you out to lunch and you spill it all? I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

“Make it dinner and we have a deal.”

Surprise Step 5) Get a date with the ridiculously hot dude you just made out with.

When I got home that night and collapsed on my bed, I grinned to myself, thinking _Man, it has been one productive evening._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd be grateful for any concrit you might have below. :)


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